🔗 Share this article

I firmly hold the belief that it is always possible to evolve. I believe you can in fact train a seasoned creature, as long as the mature being is open-minded and eager for knowledge. As long as the individual in question is willing to admit when it was mistaken, and strive to be a more enlightened self.

Well, admittedly, I am the old dog. And the trick I am working to acquire, despite the fact that I am decrepit? It is an significant challenge, an issue I have grappled with, often, for my whole existence. My ongoing effort … to become less scared of those large arachnids. Apologies to all the other spiders that exist; I have to be grounded about my possible growth as a human. It also has to be the huntsman because it is sizeable, in charge, and the one I run into regularly. This includes three times in the recent past. Within my dwelling. I'm not visible to you, but I'm grimacing with discomfort as I type.

I doubt I’ll ever reach “fan” status, but I’ve been working on at least attaining a standard level of composure about them.

An intense phobia regarding spiders since I was a child (as opposed to other children who adore them). In my formative years, I had a sufficient number of brothers around to make sure I never had to handle any personally, but I still freaked out if one was clearly in the same room as me. Vividly, I recall of one morning when I was eight, my family unconscious, and trying to deal with a spider that had crawled on to the living room surface. I “managed” with it by retreating to a remote corner, practically in the adjoining space (for fear that it chased me), and discharging a generous amount of insect spray toward it. The spray failed to hit the spider, but it did reach and irritate everyone in my house.

In my adult life, my romantic partner at the time or cohabiting with was, automatically, the bravest of spiders in our pairing, and therefore in charge of managing the intruder, while I made low keening sounds and ran away. When finding myself alone, my method was simply to exit the space, turn off the light and try to forget about its existence before I had to re-enter.

Recently, I was a guest at a pal's residence where there was a notably big huntsman who made its home in the sill, for the most part hanging out. To be less scared of it, I imagined the spider as a 'girlie', a gal, one of us, just relaxing in the sun and overhearing us yap. Admittedly, it appears rather silly, but it had an impact (to some degree). Alternatively, the deliberate resolution to become more fearless did the trick.

Regardless, I've endeavored to maintain this practice. I contemplate all the sensible justifications not to be scared. I know huntsman spiders pose no threat to me. I recognize they prey upon things like buzzing nuisances (the bane of my existence). I am cognizant they are one of nature’s beautiful, benign creatures.

Unfortunately, however, they do continue to move like that. They move in the utterly horrifying and borderline immoral way conceivable. The vision of their numerous appendages propelling them at that alarming velocity induces my ancient psyche to enter panic mode. They claim to only have the typical arachnid arrangement, but I maintain that increases exponentially when they move.

However it is no fault of their own that they have unnerving limbs, and they have an equal entitlement to be where I am – if not more. My experience has shown that taking the steps of working to prevent instantly leap out of my body and flee when I see one, trying to remain composed and breathing steadily, and intentionally reflecting about their positive qualities, has begun to yield results.

Simply due to the reality that they are fuzzy entities that scuttle about at an alarming rate in a way that invades my dreams, does not justify they merit my intense dislike, or my shrieks of terror. I can admit when fear has clouded my judgment and fueled by unfounded fear. I doubt I’ll ever attain the “trapping one under a cup and escorting it to the garden” stage, but one can't be sure. Some life is left within this seasoned learner yet.