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Our friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she's constantly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. A lot of close acquaintances vanished then, because they seemed only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, and must have grasped more clearly the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

Over the years, quite a few in her circle have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been highly competent, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play between us feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She is organizing a trip to a country I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in previously. I attempted to share insights, however, my input met with resistance. She really just desired validation of her plans. I have come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she can understand the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for a solution requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. Step two is to express how this affects you emotionally. There should be no argument here. Emotions are your feelings, of course. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the pattern between you."

Remember she too has her own side, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is to say her:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for half an hour."

This can be effective for promoting mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject everything, since certain individuals have a self-protecting mindset: they have a story regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult because there's no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react this way then consider about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.